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Prior research suggests that trying to change partner's attitudes and behaviors in hostile and demanding ways can successfully produce desired changes in targeted partners. The current research investigated whether the effectiveness of negative‐direct partner regulation strategies depends on the self‐esteem of regulation agents. Two longitudinal studies, involving individuals (N = 156) and couples (N = 174) in ongoing relationships, assessed agents' partner regulation attempts, the regulation strategies agents enacted, and the success of regulation attempts across time. Regulation agents who were low in self‐esteem and engaged in negative‐direct regulation strategies experienced lower regulation success over time. Lower regulation success in turn predicted decreases in relationship quality. These results indicate that negative‐direct regulation strategies are not beneficial when engaged by agents low in self …