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The construction of sexual violence between heterosexual partners as a problem of communication (a misunderstanding in which consent or non-consent is poorly communicated or inaccurately understood) has been at the heart of debates about the nature of sexual negotiation, what ‘counts’ as rape, and how to eradicate sexual violence. But womens’ refusals are often not heard, ignored or overruled, and establishing women’s right to refuse sexual activities (of any kind, with any one and under any circumstances) and to have these refusals recognised has been central to campaigns asserting that ‘No Means No’. This chapter explores the ‘problem’of sexual negotiation and communication–often simplistically characterised as saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’–as represented in both academic and lay discourse. 1 In lay discourse, women often report that they fail to say ‘no’clearly or effectively, or that their behaviour is …