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Condoms can be highly successful in preventing transmission of many common sexually transmitted infections, and are integral to many safer-sex campaigns. However, this relatively simple strategy is not effectively utilised, and research demonstrates intense, diverse, but patterned dislikes of condoms. In this article, I provide a discursive analysis of data collected in 15 focus groups on (hetero)sexual health, where condoms were overwhelming discussed in very familiar negative terms. My analysis focuses on a recurrent metaphor – the condom-as-killer – and considers the way the ‘nature’ of condoms but also of heterosex itself is constructed through this metaphor. The metaphor invokes a ‘battle’ between condoms and sex/sexual pleasure, situating condoms and sex as separate, and oppositional. The metaphor effectively constructs condom-wearing-heterosex as not really proper sex at all, providing a powerful …