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Extra-relational sexual involvement (ERSI) refers to engaging in sexual contact with someone other than one’s exclusive romantic/sexual/monogamous partner (often referred to as [sexual]‘infidelity’or ‘cheating’). ERSI occupies a contradictory site within western culture–it is both widespread, yet seen as unacceptable. The un/acceptability of ERSI, and its social and cultural repercussions, are linked to dominant constructions of what constitutes appropriate relational practices and male and female heterosexuality. Despite acknowledgement that ERSI can have a life changing impact, and trigger strong emotions and reactions, there is little known about the experience of those who have engaged in it. This presentation draws on data collected for a larger constructionist analysis of ERSI amongst heterosexuals in New Zealand. Thirty-six in-depth responses to an open-ended qualitative questionnaire were analysed …