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Condensation is ubiquitous in nature and industry. Heterogeneous condensation on surfaces is typified by the continuous cycle of droplet nucleation, growth, and departure. Central to the mechanistic understanding of the thermofluidic processes governing condensation is the rapid and high‐fidelity extraction of interpretable physical descriptors from the highly transient droplet population. However, extracting quantifiable measures out of dynamic objects with conventional imaging technologies poses a challenge to researchers. Here, an intelligent vision‐based framework is demonstrated that unites classical thermofluidic imaging techniques with deep learning to fundamentally address this challenge. The deep learning framework can autonomously harness physical descriptors and quantify thermal performance at extreme spatio‐temporal resolutions of 300 nm and 200 ms, respectively. The data‐centric analysis …